Well we have about a month and a half to go before we get back into Californication's 5th season, so we thought that we might as well suffer a bout of nostalgia with the best lines delivered by characters other than our rock-star-without-a-band writer Hank.
Charlie
I like me a big girl. Yeah, before marcy here, Most of my girlfriends were somewhat zaftig.
Big and getable – that’s the way i liked ‘em.Karen
Faced with a severe vaginal drought – men will be men, boys will do boys.
I’m King of Fuck Mountain!
There’s a limit to how much someone can get fucked in the ass without getting paid for it!
You have owed your publisher a book since Becca was breast-feeding. I remember because I used to like to watch Karen do that.
You don’t want to be with me. You think… I know you think you do. But if I were to give myself to you, you would run for the hills, ’cause you’re not in love with me. You’re in love with the idea… The idea of love.
And that’s the thing with you, Hank. One never knows what to expect from you or your dong.
You smell like pussy.
[to Abby] I think the world sees Hank as this fabulous fuckup and, uhm, I know that guy, I've spent a lot of time with that guy, but I am better acquainted with the other guy. The one that listens and hears everything. The one that looks at you and sees right into your soul. The one that makes you believe in every fucking fairytale that you've ever been told. Ultimately I may not even be the one who gets to enjoy the man that I know he can be, but I still want the best for him because I want the best for my daughter.
Marcy
Put down those shuffleboard sticks. Marcy’s coming to suck your dicks!
Let’s party while this bitch can still get wet.
Once you see the love of your life get hit in the face with another woman’s ejaculate… your perspective changes.
You don’t deny your man the ass. You give it to him. Because once he knows he can have that… he ain’t gonna want that shit anymore.
Do you know how hard it is to get a girl off? It is like disconnecting a bomb. I mean, there’s all these wires and shit down there. Who knows which one you’re supposed to cross or pull. Plus, the studies show that the female orgasm is, like, what, 99% mental. Who has time for that?!
You can either cry like a bitch or smack a bitch. So smack a bitch!
Becca
Sometimes burps smell worse than farts.
There is no right or wrong, just the consequences of your actions.
[On Hank] He is who he is, Mom. You knew that when you jumped into the car with us. If you’re worried you made a mistake, that’s not his fault. You have to love him for who he is,not his potential.
Father? Can I ask you something? Why is there a naked lady in your bedroom? There’s no hair on her vagina. Do you think she’s okay?
Mia
Right, there you were, just minding your own business, walking down Abbot Kinney when your dick fell in me. Oopsie.
Well, maybe I’m in the minority here, but I just don’t think there’s anything sick and wrong about a little fucking and punching between consenting adults
Lew Ashby
[To Becca] It’s gonna take that dude 15 years before he realises what he’s missing. He’s missing a lot, because you’re fucking magic. If that’s too long to wait, I can get Lemmy from Motorhead to cut off his cheeks with a straight razor.
You can’t stop a girl fight. You might accidentally hit one of them.
Life’s just too fucking boring not to try, OK?
Some of my favorite humans are sluts.
One girl, two cocks, ultimate showdown.
The chorus is the verse.
Be my Boswell
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