The 15 Most Memorable Quotes of Hank Moody
15.
Hank: “A BRONER!!! An unintentional male inspired boner.. that’s the word I’m looking for”
14.
Hank: Yo K-Fed, the little man in the boat, he’s up here! That’s where he is [demonstrates]. Right here.
13.
Hank: To quote The Clash, should I stay or should I rock the casbah?
12.
Julian: I like to think of myself as more of a creative midwife.
Hank: Oh, well I like to think of myself as having a twelve-inch cock, but it doesn’t make it so. Two inches shy!
11.
Hank: “B” to the “I” to the double “L”. What’s up, my nig nog?
Bill: I need to talk to you.
Hank: Well, you should have called. I wouldn’t have answered, but you could’ve left a message, which I would have quickly erased.
10.
Becca: Do you remember what you used to do for me when I couldn’t sleep?
Hank : Dose you with opiates?
Becca: No. Look at the ocean and count mermaids.
Hank : I did do that. I’m a better father than I thought.
9.
Hank Moody: What is your name, by the way?
Surfer Girl: Wouldn’t you rather just fuck me and never know?
Hank Moody: Oh, fuck. Who says romance is dead?!
8.
Hank : You can’t snort a line of coke off a woman’s ass and not wonder about her hopes and dreams. It’s not gentlemanly.
7.
Chloe Metz: Fuck me like I’m Al-Qaeda!
Hank : I’m declaring Jihad on your pussy.
6.
Hank: It’s my purgatory, really, inner drinks, whatever. I’m never really all that interested, but I find myself telling her how beautiful she is anyway. ‘Cause it’s true, all women are, in one way or another. You know, there’s always something about every damn one of you, it’s a smile, a curve, a secret. You ladies really are the most amazing creatures, my life’s work. But then there’s the morning after, a hangover, and the realization that I’m not quite as available as I thought I was the night before. And then she’s gone, and I’m haunted by yet another road not taken.
5.
Hank: (talking about Janie) If she loves you, she’ll forgive you.
Lew: You really mean that?
Hank: I have to, otherwise there’s no point. There is no life without love. None worth having anyway.
4.
Hank: You know what I miss most about….. Well, aside from Becca of course. I miss your smell.
Karen: That’s it?
Hank: When you left I didn’t wash the sheets because I didn’t want to lose that completely…you. And it fucked me up for a long time because I would wake up and I’d smell you and I’d think you were there. And my heart would break all over again.
3.
Hell-A Magazine blog number 1. Hank hates you all. A few things I’ve learned on my travels through this crazy little thing called life. One, a morning of awkwardness is better than a night of loneliness. Two, I probably won’t go down in history, but I will go down on your sister. And 3, while I’m down there it might be nice to see a hint of pubis. I’m not talking about a huge 70’s Playboy bush or anything. Just something that reminds me that I’m performing cunnilingus on an adult. But I guess the larger question is why is the city of angels so hell bent on destroying its female population.
2.
Good morning Hell-A. In the land of the lotus eaters’ time plays tricks on you. One day you’re dreaming, the next your dream has become your reality. It was the best of times, if only someone had told me. Mistakes were made, hearts were broken, harsh lessons learned. My family goes on without me, while I drown in a sea of pointless pussy. I don’t know how I got here, but here I am, rotting away in the warm California sun. There are things I need to figure out, for her sake at least. The clock is ticking, the gap is widening. She won’t always love me no matter what.
1.
Dear Karen,
If you’re reading this it means I actually worked up the courage to mail it, so good for me. You don’t know me very well but if you get me started I have a tendency to go on and on about how hard the writing is for me. But this, this is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to write.
There’s no easy way to say this so I’ll just say it, I met someone. It was an accident, I wasn’t looking for it, it wasn’t on the make, it was a perfect storm. She said one thing, I said another, next thing I knew, I wanted to spend the rest of my life in the middle of that conversation. Now there’s this feeling in my gut she might be the one. She’s completely nuts in a way that makes me smile, highly neurotic with a great deal of maintenance required, she is you, Karen. That’s the good news.
The bad is I don’t know how to be with you right now. And that scares the shit out of me. Because if I’m not with you right now, I have this feeling that we’ll get lost out there. It’s a big, bad world full of twists and turns. And people have a way of blinking and missing the moment. The moment that could have changed everything. I don’t know what’s going on with us, and I can’t tell you why you should waste the leap of faith on the likes of me, but damn you smell good. Like home. And you make excellent coffee. That’s got to count for something right?
Call me.
Unfaithfully yours,
Hank Moody.